Unfair and Cynical Description of Pensacola Residents (or at least the ones you
- The Pensacola PERSON: General and Vicious Comments from One of
Them--Finally, this section
attempts to categorize the types of people you will run across in
Pensacola, or at least the types that asshole cynics (like me) will
remember. If you happen to be another Pensacola resident and are
NOT offended by something I have below, please let me know, since I
obviously forgot to include you. I'll start with myself, just to be fair.
After the initial category, the majority of Pensacola residents will
appear as one of the next categories to the average cynic.
- The cynical, griping, complaining transplant
that hopes for too much from his fellow man and ignores what good there
is when it stares him in the face: Yep, that includes me. This type is annoying, but all in all, is infinitely
closer to perfection than most of the goobers below. Pitiful minority,
from what I've seen.
- The military: There are several military installations,
training facilities, associated bodies, etc. in and near Pensacola. So,
there is a huge military and military-associated civilian population.
Some of the military people you might meet are stereotypical
"jock" types with little intelligence and a penchant for being
obnoxious, grating, rude, boorish, slightly psychotic, violent,
antagonistic, and/or generally reprehensible. However, most all of them
are trained, toned, buffed fighting machines with access to firearms and
governmental largess. For that reason, and the fact that I don't want
them to kick my ass, these people are the salt of the earth and you will
love meeting and interacting with them. A sure sign that you have
encountered this type, if the encounter is a male, is flexing of muscles,
guffawing laughter, and an unidentifiable vocal brogue that is vaguely
mid-Western even if the person was born in Alabama. Most muscle flexing
happens at the beach, on volleyball courts, on tennis courts, and in line
at the grocery. Actually, anywhere. Female military types can usually be
identified since they look strangely like the males, but sometimes with apparent
breasts, and have the same flexing/preening/etc. habits. Most of the
obnoxious male military members have extraordinarily beautiful wives or
girlfriends. Many of the obnoxious female military members do, also, but
if not asked, can't tell. Since I still value my health, remember, these
people are the salt of the earth and you will love meeting and
interacting with them.
- The incredibly religious: My other pages document any number of
examples of this type. Suffice to say that this IS the abortion-provider
murder capital of the US. There are people here who
REALLY BELIEVE that the King James version is the true record
of biblical knowledge, as spoken. This group also includes the majority
of area militia members, or at least I would guess. Characterized by lots
of biblical stickers on the car, and usually sporting a quasi-military
haircut, this group includes locals who daily preach on street corners
(or in the middle of the road at intersections), outside bars and
restaurants that serve alcohol, and "adult entertainment"
locations. I have met few who have not shown other signs of mental
illness. There are many other towns with a smattering of this type, but I
don't exagerrate when I say that Pensacola seems to be either the
fountainhead or at least the magnet for the most militant and
fundamentalist. This group might be a minority by population, but is the
most frightening by philosophy and deed. To be avoided, since you
can't shoot them. I'd consider most abortion protestors, all
fundamentalists (including the Charismatic sects, the Brownsville
Assembly of God attendees, the Christian Faith Center attendees, just to
name some of the sects you might find mentioned in these pages), and all
those loonies preaching on the streets to be in this group.
- The moderately religious: Yeah, there's a lot of those, too. Let's face
it: there are a lot of churches in Pensacola. I consider this group to
include the religious who do not advocate killing doctors and who do not
think the universe is just a few thousand years old. This group still
includes a high degree of intolerance for other views. This would be the
majority. You could substitute the phrase "politically and fiscally
conservative" in place of "moderately religious" and end
up with the same people, with few exceptions. Some of this type might
actually give money to anti-abortion causes, or even join protests (but
less likely), but would probably have a change of mind should the person
making the choice be their daughter.
- The slightly or borderline religious: They probably exist, but I don't know any.
This group would be characterized by religious citizens who can tolerate
other viewpoints. Analogous to a "moderate" or
"right-liberal" political viewpoint, this group is well hidden
here in Pensacola but quite common in many other places in the US. Maybe
I just don't get out enough.
- White trash and/or "dangerous"
rednecks: No, I don't mean
that risible, "down-home", Jeff Foxworthy or Jerry Clower type
"good ol' boy", of which we have many and who are usually
pretty fun to hang out with. I mean the racist, back-woods, ignorant (and
happy to be so), worthless and usually white scabs on the ass of society.
These are the Birchers and KKK members, the fringe militia and
"patrolling neighborhood watch" types, the semi-employed and
semi-literate crackers from the edges of the populace. Not a majority,
but they sure seem that way; there are many here. As their entire being
is subsumed by ignorance and intolerance, it is no surprise that this
group overlaps the "incredibly religious" group. Usually hard
to spot (since the mostly harmless and often fun "good ol' boy
redneck" often has some of the same outward trappings), you have to
ferret this one out either in conversation or in some other outward
display of their mien (e.g. Letters to the Editor, Klan marches,
"revivals" with "themes", etc.). There are some
indicators, though. For example, a pickup with "Back Off"
mudflaps and a whip-antenna and gun-rack is probably just a "good
ol' boy" who would be fun to drink beer with; a pickup plastered
with stickers that, when read in its entirety, is the majority of the
book of Revelations is probably a "Dangerous Redneck" and
definitely "incredibly religious".
- The rest of the inhabitants: That leaves about 30 college students, 20
professionals, and maybe 3 school children not in the above categories. I
don't count infants.