Buck Atmore Ministries (BAM)
"The truth as God told me"TM

Buck Atmore is a vibrant,  God-fearing patriot,  providing truthful and anointed ministering to the greater Pensacola-Milton-Jay area.

Buck Atmore's Guide to the Rapture (June 1999-?)--Updated as Necessary

Since Y2K is coming up,  and we all know what that means,  you might want to get right with God.  Really.  Do it now.  Fall down on your knees and say "JAYSUS--Hummus chili putty dong work feryewda wakka wakka SHAZAM!"  Your personal glossolalia might differ from that listed above.  Who knows in what strange ways THA LOERD works?

It is a concrete and unchanging tenet of most (if not all) Christian religious movements,  sects,  splinter groups,  revivals,  and whatnot,  that AS LONG AS YOU ACCEPT CHRIST before you die (or before the Rapture),  you are guaranteed a place in heaven.  Raped a dog and ate your daughter?  No problem.  Shot a few people in a fast food restaurant?  It is to laugh.  Picked up hitchhikers and stuffed their dismembered parts in a cooler while driving up I-95 with a bag of crack beside you,  smoking and drinking the whole way?  Fear not.  All of you,  and others,  can rest easily knowing that the Lamb of God forgives all,  as long as you're sincerely contrite and you say or pray whatever particular homily your religion requires for salvation.  Christians and non-Christians alike might want to refer to Ezekiel 33 for more details (verses 10-33,  I believe).  That's right,  even the Jews can extricate themselves from this mortal coil and attain salvation--Ezekiel is in the Old Testament (and in that book those Jews call "The Tanker" or whatever).  I take this to mean that,  even if you choose not to eat bacon cheeseburgers because of your religion,  you can still get a direct call to GOD.

The items listed below represent things you should have thought about years ago,  or are things you've thought about already.  This list might also include things you're doing now,  or have recently finished.  The RAPTURE is close at hand,  and you should be prepared.  (1) GET SAVED,  and (2) pick and choose from this list,  or make up your own.  Do them now.  God bless.  The RAPTURE is right around the corner,  and you'll regret not taking advantage of the helpful hints listed here if you don't GET RIGHT RIGHT NOW!

NOTE: The Bible says that no man knows when the time will come.  This caveat has been ignored for close to 2000 years now.  I don't know when it will happen,  but I'm guessing based on personal contact with my Lord that it will occur between 1:37 AM and 3:43 AM on January 3,  2000.  I could be wrong,  but I'm not.

Whatever you do,  remember this:  you are chosen,  you are saved,  and you are soon to attain the unbridled redemption which is heaven.  Your extracurricular behavior,  as it were,  as long as you accept the LOERD,  matters not.  Isn't it time,  after those many hours of self-reflection,  introspection,  and devotional reading of The Scriptures,  that you should have a little fun?  Relax.  Unwind.  Wreak mayhem.  The LOERD will forgive,  as He has promised.

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This page is a parody,  if you haven't figured it out yet.  Content (c) Greg Hancock,  1999-2000.